So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
