i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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