what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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