U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
