I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
