No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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