My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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