Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
