ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
