True but thats because hes a fetus.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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