yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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