Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
