Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
