This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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