Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my shit smells like andre
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
