So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
