do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
