Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
