I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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