And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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