she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
