you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize