So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
