i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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