Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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