an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
