Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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