1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
