Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
