I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize