do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
