i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
