I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize