At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
