I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My bed smells like the plague
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
