What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
