I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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