I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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