Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
