Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You took a bar mat shot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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