Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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