I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
now i know why i became what i already was.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
