im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
