This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
