I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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