I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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