ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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