Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
