i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
