She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
