I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
