i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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