oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
