yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
