And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
