I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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