As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize