so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize