As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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