theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
