where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
her vagine was all disorganized.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Randomize
