Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
