How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
