I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
