Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
