he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
