smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize