I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
