her vagine was all disorganized.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you never un-have a 4some
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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