I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize