Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
