He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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