AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
