I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
