drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
