remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
