Is it normal to miss your booty call?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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