btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
