I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
