So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
