when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
