Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How does it feel to date your dad?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
