yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
