remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
