oh god the rape fog is back!
I intend to get homeless drunk
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
