i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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