Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
