Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
