Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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