I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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