Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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