I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
