My hand turned me down
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
