Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
