I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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