Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
