Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize