I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
