He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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