My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
