I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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