well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
