So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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