Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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