yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
