Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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