how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
