Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
